A few weeks back, I mentioned this helpful book that digs into the sad but real evil of spiritual abuse by abusive spiritual leaders: Bully Pulpit by Michael Kruger. (I have also written about this topic several other times as well: “How Church Bullies and Abusers Deceive“, “The Mentality of an Abuser” and “Angry Pastors and Elders,” and so on.) Kruger’s book has a very helpful chapter that gives a detailed explanation of how abusive leaders retaliate against their accusers by flipping the script. Here’s a summary of Kruger’s discussion of the most common defensive tactics of abusive leaders.
- Build a Coalition of Defenders. An abusive pastor’s first step is to build a strong coalition of allies who can speak up for him, defend him, and even go on the offensive against the victims. This coalition effectively becomes the abusive pastor’s team of lawyers, committed to defending him at all costs. …[This scenario] reminds us again that the problem with spiritual abuse in the church goes well beyond the individual abusive pastor. Spiritual abuse is allowed to continue because willing supporters protect and enable that pastor.
- Insist Proper Process Wasn’t Followed. Abusive pastors often deflect the attention off what they’ve done by issuing loud complaints that proper procedures weren’t followed. So loudly do they object that they begin to look like the victims and the abused individuals appear to be the real perpetrators. …We should be concerned if procedural issues become so central that the pastoral abuse itself is forgotten. …Here’s the point: if a pastor is accused of abusive behavior, be wary if procedural issues become the biggest concern of all those involved.
- Claim To Be The Victim of Slander. If a pastor is accused of spiritual abuse, it would not be surprising, nor would it be inappropriate, for him to declare his innocence. He might, in fact, be innocent. But it is wholly different for that pastor to declare that he has been slandered. That is more than a claim of innocence; it is an aggressive countercharge that the accusers themselves are engaged in despicable and sinful behavior. It’s a way to present himself as the victim and the accusers as the problem. In other words, it is a methodology designed to flip the script.
- Attack The Character Of The Victims. …Abusive pastors often have their own team of “lawyers” who are more than willing to go along with [destroying the character of the victim]. In case after case, abusive leaders shift the attention to all the character flaws or behavioral problems in their accusers. In other words, it is a tactic designed to flip the script. And it works. The reason abuse victims are often too scared to come forward is because they’ve seen what happens to those who do.
- Tout Their Own Character And Accomplishments. [An abusive leader] attempts to bolster his own character and accomplishments. At this point, appeals are made to everything this individual has done to bless the church… Abusive pastors want to put their (carefully edited) resume on display. One feature of this tactic is for the abusive pastor to get character references. …All this evidence is designed to create cognitive dissonance in the minds of the elder board or other adjudicating body. …This is another way abusive pastors flip the script. They convince people that they, not the victims, are the trustworthy ones.
- Play The Sympathy Card. Even though the victims of spiritual abuse have suffered greatly… one tactic of abusive leaders is to talk about how much ‘they’ve’ suffered. They will go to great lengths to describe how much pain they are in because of the unresolved ‘conflict’ with those accusing them. …To produce even more sympathy, some abusive leaders then appeal to how the whole situation has affected their spouse or their family.
Kruger does give more info on those sort of tactics that abusive pastors use to flip the script. Kruger is right. He did his homework. I’ve seen such evil tactics before, and I’m sure some of our readers have as well. Of course, there’s more to this difficult topic. If you want more info, and if you want a great resource on spiritual abuse, get the book: Bully Pulpit by Michael Kruger. (It’s also on Logos here)
Shane Lems
Covenant Presbyterian Church (OPC)
Hammond, WI, 54015
The Reformed Reader Blog 